Dark Room

Every once in a while one must subject oneself to the “dark room” treatment. Let me tell you how it works. At first, the sudden silence weighs your general restlessness down. You then twitch your toes, stretch your legs, swallow down your saliva and hear the sound your body makes as you flip to the other side. Batting your eyelids you give one hard look into the darkness and the room seems to be spread infinitely around you as if it had no walls. And in that huge space you begin to feel your own presence.

The distant voices outside begin to diminish and all your relationships seem suspended at this moment. To a certain measure, this is the acid test of your being, you will know it as the emptiness takes the shape of your soul. It is overwhelming to know that a lot can happen since you met yourself the last time.

The people who you meet and talk, wear out a part of you gradually, some by an inch, some by a mile. Recycling oneself can never be done in public, you need this confine of solitude for the anti-process. The nature of regeneration is quiet and mostly hidden. Being whole again is a myth, but then, there is only so much you can do about it.

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